a revelation has revealed itself to me (is that the correct way to say that?) well, regardless, it has. it started last night but it's become more panned out in my head today. I believe that dating is basically society's inherent form of communism. you see, you are born into a certain class in the dating world and that's the world in which you are going to stay, no matter what. I used to think, naively, that it was about who you are inside and all that bullshit but no, your class is determined by what you look like for the most part - facial features, body type, etc. The influence of who you are inside is little to none. That who you are inside bullshit is just that, bullshit. Short of being a serial killer, it counts for NOTHING.

There are some ways to climb the ladder - but these ways are limited. Typically they involve great success in a particular athletic activity or money, both of which work much better if you are male.

We are all born into a certain class and that is the class in which we can date. For example, if you're drop dead gorgeous, then you're going to date drop dead gorgeous individuals. If you're average, you're allowed to date average people. No-one is actually standing on top of you to prevent you from reaching the upper echelons of the dating classes, but those people in the classes above you ... ? They ain't looking down, believe me.

The problem is that I find myself in the class that is below average but above dog ugly (I hope I'm not being overly-optimistic on that latter boundary) and frankly, I don't like it. The unfair thing about communism is that you're not also born with your own physical attraction limited to the people within your own class. you can see the other classes and b/c you're a normal, rational human being, you want the people above you. I mean, if anyone could choose between me and say, Angelina Jolie or Dianne Ladd or Susan Sarandon, they'd choose any one of those three. of course they would - unless they were demented. and therein lies the problem.

It's people like MOT who are in my class that I don't want. Part of my thrill in the "arrangement" I have with that certain person is that he is WAY above my class - I am well aware that outside of that arrangement I would never get to date people like him, he's way, way above me in dating classes, and it's why i was more than a little surprised that he even agreed to the arrangement. but its an added bonus to the already pleasant activity. So, I have to settle for the people like me - below average but above dog ugly or no-one. I think I prefer no-one.

I'm not being completely shallow - I know that what's on the inside of a person counts once you're dating - but you have to get there first. The inside doesn't get you asked out, it might determine whether you stay but it's not the key in the door. There first has to be physical attraction. I'm not attracted to people that look like me. I wish I were. And people are rarely attracted to me.

Its one of those unfair aspects of life. Unfortunately, it's one of the larger aspects.

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