i had a little visit to municipal court today ... $700.00 worth of traffic tickets will lead you there. Yes, yes, I know. Incredibly irresponsible and all those things but alas, I look at the situation and know I should be truly mortified or something and yet, honestly, I'm not terribly concerned. There are worse things. Anyway, I knew someone that knew someone that knew the traffic judge sooo it was all reduced to $300.00 and no-one wants to arrest me now and all is well. These are not the bigger things, right? Besides, $300.00 is just a drop in the bucket in comparison to what I owe already - $80K in student loans will do that to a person's mindset.

While at traffic court, I got asked out or hit on or whatever you call it. Traffic court of all places. If that doesn't sum up my life. And by a man, no less. But it gets even better - I get back to my office, run a search on court records - turns out he's married and has suffered a foreclosure and he talked about his 3 1/2 year old daughter sooo - he not only cheats on his wife apparently but his kid too. Great guy. I can't get a date to save my life, I never heard from the girl I took to dinner a month ago AND some married, financially delinquent male felon asks me out. Aaaahhhh, such is life, I suppose.

I have an interview tomorrow at the attorney general's office - i think I'll get the offer unless I just go in and completely blow it - which, mind you, is not beyond the realm of possibility. But it's not really the job that I want so I'm not sure what to do - there is one job I have my eye on but I don't think I can get it. There's another that I MIGHT get, if and when it becomes available. But I can't stay here, even though I love it, b/c they aren't so thrilled that parental obligations can and will take me out of the office. Thus, since I'll not be placing the divine miss m up for adoption anytime soon, looking elsewhere seems prudent.

Pathetic as it sounds and even though I know it goes against pretty much everything I'm supposed to believe in about myself, I really would like for someone to just step in and take care of me.

But the more I think about it, the more I think that I really don't have anything to offer anyone. I mean, I'm riddled with debt, live in a house that I'm terribly ashamed of and never invite anyone to, even family if i can help it, I have a four year old I can't provide for or control and I'm a general disorganized mess on a daily basis - there's just nothing to offer in my life and anyone that would want to step into the middle of it, survey the surroundings and say, "Hey, i definitely want to share this with you" would have to be on some sort of serious self-destructive path. Like say, a married financially delinquent felon.

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