I could not sleep last night ... I somehow managed this weekend to get any semblance of a sleep schedule totally out of whack and fell back into my preference of staying up to the wee hours and then sleeping late. Somehow, the divine even cooperated ... the problem of course comes when the alarm goes off on Monday morning. Ugh! I am soooooo sleepy right now; that sleepiness that interferes with your ability to think. Not good when I have a huge case to get through before I leave here tomorrow and I'll be spending my evenings packing b/c, you guessed it, i haven't started that yet. But I have thought a lot about it and made major lists in my head, for whatever that's worth.

I wonder if i will ever stop procrastinating - probably not. i should focus on goals much more realistic.

I don't know why but I haven't told any of my family that I'm going to Fest. Obviously I'll need to do that; there are too many elderly people in my family for me to be completely awol for five days. but as they don't approve of my sexuality, they tend to just group Fest into the whole deviant 'lesbian world' they have in their minds and i don't think they'll approve of my taking the divine with me. I know it's ridiculous but I also know my mother - quite unfortunately. Plus, they know that it's the last thing I can afford and I don't want that thrown in my face - not that I'm asking them for money on any level, so it's none of their business. But since that bothers my own conscience, given my financial state of late, that would be a perfect target to get me where it hurts - and scoping those targets out has always been a talent of my mother's. She rarely misses.

So, I'm just going to call her tomorrow or today and give her the number to reach me in a manner that assumes she already knows that we're going and then when she indicates otherwise, i'll feign surprise. *sigh* I'm not looking forward to this conversation. I'm certain that I should not be this stressed about letting my family know about this. I'm grown, independent and I'm a good mother and yet, I feel like I have to ask permission - but of course, only when I know that they won't approve. Oh well. I'm sure Freud could have a field day with me.

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