with some notable exceptions, i've often found that i am a fairly good judge of character. there have been countless instances in which someone has shown a characteristic or done something that is indicative of a particular quality that others have found suprising, but that i had actually surmised long before. i generally find people fairly easy to read, perhaps because i'm constantly analyzing motivations, the drive behind every particular action on the part of others ... likely the result of my paranoia running amok. i don't like to be caught unaware when someone's actions affect me. regardless of the reason, i have always found it extremely useful, like a defense or a tool that grants me a world of benefits to which others are not always privy.

what concerns me now is that, for whatever reason, i seem to be losing that capacity. and i can't decide whether this is a result of an increase in my paranoia that has tipped the scales toward detrimental rather than it's previous leaning toward beneficial hindrance (and no, i don't think that's an oxymoron) or if perhaps i'm simply too overwhelmed in the moment right now to get past my own self-absorption enough to actually key into someone else. i certainly don't think people just became more complicated overnight.

whatever the reason, it has left me slightly uneasy. right or wrong, i gauge a lot of my own outward actions by what i anticipate others' reactions to be ... and with a marked decrease in my ability to anticpate those accurately, i'm left flailing a bit. needless to say, i don't like it.

<< & >>