i have taken a complete hiatus from tv - it was the best parenting decision i have made thus far. i turn it on for specific sporting events once every couple of months, occasionally West Wing, and then to check the weather channel - other than that, it is only on when the divine watches her one video per day. it leads to a great deal more personal interaction b/w mother (that being me) and child (that being the divine) and more imaginative play for her. plus, she never gets stupified in front of the tube. and frankly, i just feel free of it, which isn't really something i ever thought about before.

however, i would now like to extend that to the rest of the world - i want to only live in this world that i have created here. with my job, my daughter, and the friends i have chosen in my life. the divine and i have a very full life here - school, work, church, extracurricular activities - all of these equal into a very fulfilling life. and yet, i have this family in another part of the state that i want to separate myself from entirely, is that possible? i am working very hard to construct some boundaries with them b/c god knows, we need them. and although i resent that i have to do it, i'm glad it's getting done. and the longer i'm away from them, the happier i am about that. an immature, dependent mother is suffocating.

and i get to make formal arrangements this month for who will raise the divine if something happens to me. that is such a morbid thought. my biggest fear in the world is that something will happen to me and i won't get to see the divine grow up and she'll never know how much i loved her. and as a single parent, the importance of making these arrangements takes on even more monumental proportions. but i'll just make the necessary arrangements, up my life insurance, and then pray it never happens.

ok, back to the legal mumbo-jumbo . . .

<< & >>