hmmm . . . what to write?! there's no law that says that i have to write anything . . . and yet, here i am at a loss for words. actually, i'm not sure i'm at a loss for words, it's more that i'm tired of the same words i've been saying over and over - tired of thinking them, tired of hearing them, tired of saying them.

i still don't have any answers, don't know how to find them and am tired of the monologue in my head and the dialogue with other people that i keep having in some inane attempt to find them.

had decent dialogue with beth who tried to be understanding and supportive and not hurt and scared at the same time - she didn't succeed too well, but the effort was probably more than i could have mustered in her position.

i am trying very, very hard not to completely shut out the world and just live in the day to day b/c gawd, would that be easier. but in the long run, it would not lead to happiness - logically, i know this so i'm trying to avoid it - that is my hardest struggle at the moment. but i don't want to be one of those people who just don't deal or more specifically, can't deal. i have little sympathy for those people - frankly, they remind me of my mother.

i want GOOD coffee today - and that is something i can actually accomplish so i believe i'll go do that now.

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